For me, there's just nothing better than driving into my favorite town and seeing this straight ahead.
I never get tired of it.

I just found out that my ex-husband died parachuting over the weekend.
I'm so weirded out by this. 36 years old. And while my years with him
were mostly very-not-good, it was 6 years nonetheless. It's very strange
to hear of someone who'd been so close to me, dying so young.

We had dinner last night with someone who never even heard of "We Are the World."
I think he thought we were ancient.

Today, I was IMing my former host-father, from when I was in Africa 14 years ago, during college. He is someone who grew up running through a jungle to hunt down his food. As an adult, he made sure he got an education. He now speaks five languages. He has been employed by American organizations and traveled to the States, and in fact, all over the world several times, even working with the World Health Organization at one point. He's currently out of work, and looking for a new source of income for his family.

He told me that he wants to become rich someday, so that he can donate to these groups himself. When I said he's come a long way already, he said, "That's true. The past story is a sign that many futures are possible."

I guess it's a good idea for us all  to take a look back sometimes at things we've been through, our strength in getting through those things, and even more importantly, the opportunities that lay before us all if we open ourselves up to them.

Africa seems to be a constant source of perspective for me, even all these years later.

Every April, I tend to get depressed. Because of the government taking my money. This year is no different, and perhaps somewhat worse.

We tend to feel like being self-employed is pretty nice. We can take breaks during the day without people breathing over our necks, or relax if there's just not much to do. We come and go as we please, and don't have anyone watching to see how long we take for lunch. It's a good way to live, really. Very low stress.

But in April, the bomb always hits. The thing that makes me question whether or not we should keep it up. This year, including our first quarter's estimated tax for '08, the result is that we'll be shelling out a whopping $12,000 on the dreaded 4/15. Yes, that's AFTER the 8k or so that we paid throughout 2007. Oh, and our next "quarterly" estimated tax? Another $4000, due TWO months later, not three. (Let's look up the definition of "quarterly," shall we, IRS??) Oh right, and our property tax is due at exactly the same time. Great.

When this stuff is neatly tucked away, taken out of your paycheck, you don't always realize how much is going away from you. When you're self-employed, it feels like blatant robbery.

On top of that, we're finally finishing my health insurance nightmare, but to make it AT ALL affordable (read: just under $400 a month), we have to get a high deductible health plan. Bottom line: between the two of us, we'll be paying over $4100 a year for a $5000 deductible (per person) plan. I've never been SO tempted to simply go uninsured. There's no benefit in this! What a fucking scam! Oh yeah, and they noted that I turn 35 early next year, which means a big hike in rates. THANKS.

I keep reminding myself, it's ok. We always come out on top, we always get through it, it's been worse... we have the money, we can pay it. But saving and saving, and rarely spending a dime on ourselves, only to have just-not-quite-everything we save taken away every April, is absolutely defeating. I feel like we'll never get ahead; never be able to invest. I don't know... we'll see.

And we made pretty good money last year, too. That's the real killer. Our best year yet = most money due ever, and no satisfaction in it at all.



*breathe*


www.fairtax.org

I've been told now that most likely, every insurance company in the country will automatically deny me any individual coverage for having been diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. They make no distinction between JRA, and RA.

I did note to one woman that they're essentially condemning me to ultimate financial ruin, knowing that someday 10 or 20 years from now, something will inevitably happen to me in life, and without medical coverage, that's my fate, and it's all because my knees hurt for a couple of weeks every 3 to 5 years. She said basically that she realized that -- oh, and she has a TWELVE-PAGE list of all the conditions which result in automatic denial of coverage.

Our only hope now to cover me is to get group coverage. Since Tony and I are self-employed and we do have an LLC, we qualify as a group of two, and in Colorado, when you apply as a group, it is the law that they MUST cover you. Thank you, State of Colorado. That was not a bad idea!

The only issue of course, is that group coverage, because they can't deny anyone, is much more expensive than individual insurance. And we may need to do things that involve payroll and paying ourselves on a regular basis, which we don't do now. I have yet to talk to someone to give me specifics on that.

We're hoping to meet with an insurance broker soon, who can give us the details and find the best rates.

By the time this is all over, I just might be in favor of socialized medicine. or something like it. I have to admit, I didn't fully understand the issues involved before. So, point taken. Thanks to the universe for the life lesson.

Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield has been my insurance provider for three years. They gave me an individual plan in 2004. Then, when I took a full-time job, I was offered fully paid insurance, also by coincidence, through Anthem. So I took it. I've been paying my former employer under COBRA since leaving that job, and now I've asked Anthem to switch me back to an individual plan. Their response? Coverage Declined. Due to the pre-existing condition of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis.

The bastards clearly lost track of the fact that a) I've had this condition for nearly 20 years now, b) they agreed to give me coverage a mere three years ago and have been my continual provider ever since, and c) JUVENILE rheumatoid arthritis is tremendously different from adult-onset RA. I've essentially outgrown the condition (which is a common thing to have happen with JRA), have zero permanent damage to my joints, and basically this has been reduced to my knees swelling up once every three to five years. This all goes away with about five days on prednisone, then three to five years later, it happens again and goes away just the same. I've had like 3 or 4 doctor appointments that they've paid for in all this time, which were directly related to JRA.

The really upsetting thing is that when I was looking around for insurance in '04, I applied to several places and Anthem was the only one that accepted me. So now, I have till May (when my COBRA runs out) to find someone else to accept me, otherwise I'll have a bigger problem on my hands, which will be finding coverage after having a gap in coverage.

I feel like I've been thrown into the "Great American Healthcare Crisis" and could end up one of those homeless, bankrupt people should something drastic occur to me 10 years down the road. And all because my knees hurt once every three years.

WTF, people. This is seriously insane.

I have to get a root canal. And it's going to cost one thousand dollars. Yay me, for putting off going to the dentist until it hurt so bad I couldn't stand it anymore.

:(

At least now I have vicodin on hand. I guess that's kinda nice.

As I was watching Forrest Gump for probably the 20th time the other night, my husband informed me that he doesn't think he's ever watched any movie as many as 10 times. Really? I'm certainly not the only one who does this. I can name several movies that I've watched at least that many times:

• When Harry Met Sally (definitely my most-watched)
• Fargo
• Rear Window
• Goodfellas
• Casino
• Breakfast Club
• Back to the Future
• The Untouchables (ok, clearly I have a De Niro problem)
• American Beauty

And there are certainly plenty I've watched at least five times. I guess when I find something I like, I stick to it. heh.

So, for anyone who's reading -- what movies, if any, have you watched 10 times or more? What movie have you watched most often?